Ladies and gentlemen, as a freedom-loving American, I am appalled by the way that the National Broadcasting Company is handling the whole late-night lineup situation. That after a mere seven months, a board of executives looking at a loss of over $4 million could decide to pull the plug on Conan O'Brien is totally beyond me.
Why? Because I am a supporter of dreams. And Conan's greatest dream--to host The Tonight Show--was blocked by a man whose chin looks like it just ate twelve other chins. So of course when I heard about the rallies happening all over the country to support Conan through this terrible time, I jumped at the chance to show my loyalty. Not that I've ever seen The Tonight Show, but I still stand by Conan's resolve. With my hand painted sign in hand ("Jay at 11:30? LeNO Way!"), I took two buses and a train to the NBC building in downtown Chicago.
Chanting and demonstrating with my fellow 200 or so protesters was fulfilling and empowering, especially on a holiday celebrating one of the greatest civil rights activists in history. Between the news crews, the nearby police cars, and the repetitious shouting of "Masturbating Bear for President," I really felt like I was doing a real honor to the concept of civic duty. But one thing really bothered me-- the seeming indifference of passersby. Where I had expected the unwitting public to gather behind us and create a powerful grassroots movement, I saw apathy on a scale that really took my enthusiasm down a notch. My fellow protesters and I stood outside the NBC building in the face-numbing cold for two hours, with our Conan-hair homages and clever support calls (see "Conandia" below), and no one seemed willing to take time from their oh-so-busy schedules to voice their opinions over the grievous actions of NBC. If anything, our numbers dwindled over the course of the evening until our demonstration became less of a mob and more of a throng.
My question, then, is why? Why do the American people seem to care so little? A primetime block of television programming is suffering, and our peers would stand idly by and let it all fall apart. Simply watch as Conan O'Brien becomes the Kitty Genovese of our era. I urge all of you to stand up on Conan's behalf, and make your mild annoyance at the decision of the NBC executives heard! Long live the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien!
Conandia (to the tune of O! Canada!)
Conandia!
The greatest red haired man.
Tonight Show's hooooost and great comedian.
With heavy hearts and teary eyes,
we watch your death by NBC!
We stand by your side, Conandia,
unemployed though you may be!
Greatest red haired man,
Carson's prodigy,
Conandia won't be on our T.V.
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