ODIN IS THE MOST BADASS OF ALL GODS, EVER.
Oh, what? Odin is part of a defunct mythological system that solely existed to provide both oral story tradition and miraculous explanations for natural phenomena? Well, I have researched this subject extensively for weeks to prepare for this essay, and my response to such questioning involves my fist and your asshole. Unfortunately literal ass-reaming is impossible via essay, so allow me to do some literary ass-reaming instead.
Literary Ass-Reaming Exhibit (A): The Titles of Odin
Odin: Seer of the Future
King of the Gods
Bartender of Valhalla
Inventor of Rap
Lover of Liquor
Sinker of Ships
Shipper of Sinks
Did I mention Odin’s nickname? It’s Odin One-Eye. The reason he got that little title is because Odin decided to rip out his own fucking eye with his bare hands and throw it down a well to gain the ability to see the future. That’s right—Odin isn’t omnipotent. But He makes up for it by being the manliest of all gods. Yeah, yeah, Zeus was pretty cool too, since he can hurl lightning or whatever. But Odin didn’t need to be the God of Thunder. He just popped out a kid who could do the lightning duty for him. Remember Thor? The god so cool that he got made into a superhero just to keep him in pop culture? Well, Odin is his fucking dad.
How many days of the year are devoted to your god of choice? One? Two? Bitch, please. You can keep your Christmas or your Groundhog’s Day (I don’t hold any faith over another). I’ll keep Odin’s 52 days of recognition throughout the year. 14% of the year is all about Odin—because “Wednesday” is named in his honor. Look that shit up; I’ve got better things to do than explain every single point I make.
Literary Ass-Reaming Exhibit (B): Picture of Odin
the bodies of every other god. Even yours.
**Artwork by Giye, from http://giye.deviantart.com/art/ODIN-113983884
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