Tiny Fucking Corn

This is the transformation of corn. Holy fucking shit.

So I read an article the other day about how corn was originally maize. Which is smaller than corn, less nutritious, doesn't taste as good, and comes in funny colors. Basically, maize sucks. I can understand now why we turned it into corn.

It was fine to that point, even if it seemed kind of wordy for an article on a cereal grain. I figured two lines would've sufficed:

Maize is shit compared to modern-day corn. But we have corn, so no worries.

Unfortunately, instead of dropping the article like a hot coal wrapped in rancid kimchee like I should've, I kept reading. After about two paragraphs, the article transformed into a love letter directed at EVEN TINIER MOTHERFUCKING CORN.

Maize isn't shitty enough. Teocinte. Teocinte makes me want to go back in time and wreck the faces of some of my ancestors.

Let's put this in perspective. Corn: "I'm hungry. Munch munch munch munch munch munch munch munch munch. Man, that was good. Steamed, grilled, whatever. I love corn."

Maize: "I'm hungry. Munch munch munch munch. I'm less hungry, but not full. Time to turn this shit into regular damn corn."

Teocinte: "I'm hungry. Munch. Well. Fuck me."

The dumbass who wrote the article while jizzing himself at the thought of teocinte then told a story about some archaeologists who found some dead guys in a cave with fossilized tiny corn. They believed that the people in the cave had starved to death. What kind of dumbasses don't get the fuck out of a cave and forage for food when they're hungry? When my body's low on nutrients, I snap into a Slim Jim. That's just common fucking sense.

Or so I thought.

Not that I can really blame them; they were trying to subsist on fucking teocinte! Best part was, some of the fossilized minicorn they had lying around their skeletonized bodies was un-fuckin-eaten. All that suggests to me is that ancient twat bombs like Carl McCave and Martin Caverson would rather starve to death than waste their time trying to eat disgusting tiny corn.

Tiny fucking corn.